How to Ask Her Father for Her Hand in Marriage. This Article, because the stress is on the word “deceived”, and this is suggestive of the basic intention of the Article, is commonly known as the rule of “deception.”. Speaking with your soon-to-be fiancé(e)’s parents and asking for your partner’s hand in marriage is a tradition that can be both relevant and a defining moment in your relationship. I think the best way to start off the conversation … Other animals also behave like this. I wanted to know whether meeting her in a resturaunt alone is allowed or not if i remain in the boundaries of islam. A dad usually sees the Signs of Good Husband Material to Marry better than his own daughter. Now the fact is that usually at the time of the engagement the two parties do not give each other things for the purposes of the marriage, but undergo considerably heavy outlay for the engagement itself. I would add that another objection can also be made against this Article, and that is that the Article mentions that if ‘without any reasonable cause’ either of the parties breaks up the marriage agreement, the defaulting side should return the original articles it received as gifts from the other side or their cost. After such subtle psychological observations, the said proposer puts forward the draft of an article to do with asking the hand of a woman in marriage. The custom of asking the hand of woman in marriage is a very safe and wise way of safeguarding the honour and prestige of a woman: As we have mentioned, in the law of creation man is created as a source of solicitation and approach, and is the suitor, while woman is … All he wants is that for her to be happy and living a better life than before. Her father wants to see your sincerity, how far you’re committed to marry her. Hearing this, the person approached the woman, proposed marriage to her and subsequently married her. You don’t need to ask should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. Islam Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for Muslims, experts in Islam, and those interested in learning more about Islam. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend's Dad for Her Hand in Marriage. I think that if you dont feel happy and satisfied in the marriage you have the right to ask for Talaq. It also gives you -- and the bride's father -- the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation about love, family and future plans. Is the provision of fixed-term marriage a license for promiscuity? It has always been an age-old tradition to ask for your significant other’s father for her hand in marriage. Love after marriage in Islam is … Start out expressing your feelings for his daughter. Is the Declaration of Human Rights an insult to woman? (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255). Incidentally, this very error is one of the most serious ones. Reciprocal differences in the feelings of men and women towards each other: The dower in the Islamic system of rights: European love-affairs are more natural than their marriages: The customs of the pre-Islamic period that that were abolished by Islam: The repression of European women up to the second half of the nineteenth century: Why did Europe suddenly grant financial independence? Article No 1037 of the Civil Law states: —, “In case of the intended marriage being broken up, the gifts which either side had given or the parents of the persons engaged had presented in anticipation of marriage may be demanded back by each side. Islam permits the dissolution of marriage for a number of … This is one of the wise schemes and plans of creation. The only result of engagement that has been acknowledged is that the party violating the engagement should return the gifts or their value to the party that presented them, whereas the main expenses which the individual must sustain in an engagement are other expenses, for example the expenses of the engagement celebrations, inviting guests and things connected with this. The west is involved in a basic contradiction about man: The west has forgotten both itself and its God: Part Six: The Natural Basis of Family Rights, The connection between natural rights and the direction in which nature moves, Part Seven: The Differences Between Woman and Man. One of them is this. Does modern woman not want a dower or maintenance? Nature has created man a means of approach, love and solicitation and woman a source of attraction and being loved. Natural laws in the case of marriage and divorce: The natural status of man in family life: The structure which is built on affections and feelings: It is something more than equality which strengthens the foundation of the family: The nature of peace in the family is different from all other forms of peace: The right of divorce arises from the particular role of the man in the matter of love, and is not based upon his ownership: Divorce is a release in the same way as the inherent nature of marriage is dominance: Wife having the right of divorce as an entrusted right. Islamic teachings: Muslims believe that character and piety are very important when choosing a partner. Whatever the Civil Law has cited in support of these Articles is all based upon precepts that are deduced from general Islamic beliefs. 47 Ways To Make A Scorpio Man Fall In Love With You, 221 Sweet And Cute Things To Say To Your Boyfriend When He Got Mad At You, What To Say To Your Boyfriend On Your 5 Month Anniversary, 31 Ways To Make A Cancer Man Fall In Love, 33 Signs That Your Best Friend Hates You Secretly, 17 Things A Libra Man Looks For In A Woman, What Do Scorpios Find Physically Attractive? From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal and has requested conjugality from her. I am not a firm believer in these things but over years many people who know reading hands pointed out that I do not have a marriage line on my hand and I won't get married by choice. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam. Hafiz is sorry that he has nothing to shower over the beauties to attract them to him. He will give you his blessing 100 percent for sure. Man is instinctively disposed to seek and ask, and woman is instinctively disposed to display herself. It’s why he wants to see you. It is in fact to do with the law of creation. © /efenzi. ^^^^^ Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. For a woman, marriage is a big step in life. The poet in spite of all manliness and virility, pays homage, and gives vent to feelings of admiration before the charms and beauties of women and admits to have fallen in love with them, while they are heedless and take no notice of him. One of them is when she asks her father’s permission to get married. Asking and answering such questions about him is not a bad thing and people should not hesitate to tell the truth when it concerns a possible marriage; the intent is … The Quran states that it is the bridgeroom who should give his bride-to-be a gift or sum of money: "And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously." I hope you find what you're looking for. The Muslims Wedding Tradition including asking for the father’s blessing during the wedding ceremony, symbolizing that afterwards the woman has become the husband’s responsibility. This has been the greatest of factors in safe-guarding the prestige and honor of women. MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. 1 Mahr. They'll probably suspect, but that's okay as it will give them time to be prepared and know what to say. © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2021. An advantage to women in financial matters: The purpose of propaganda against maintenance. If you regularly visit this site and wish to show your appreciation, or if you wish to see further development of, please donate online. The site and the DILP are entirely supported by individual donors and well wishers. He is the first man she knew and the first one she fell in love with. The addition of the condition ‘without any reasonable grounds’, is an irrelevant presumption of Mr. Mahdavi’s. Any other use of the hosted content, such as for financial gain, requires express approval from the copyright owners. Asking the bride's father for her hand in marriage shows respect. Enter valid first name and last name with at least one space. It is at the root of the proposal for the annulment of dower (mahr) and maintenance of the wife (nafaqah), so we shall fully discuss it with the subject of mahr and nafaqah in its proper place. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. And Allaah … Personally, I would not be bound in a marriage that I do not feel happy in and live life like that. Can one really considerate an insult to the female sex when Hafiz our sweet-tongued poet, composed these lines: Shiraz is the home of ruby lips and the mine of beauty; I am a penniless jeweler, and it makes me anxious.It is a town full of beckoning glances and beauty in all directions; But I have nothing, otherwise I avoid be the buyer of all. Polygyny is a source of protection for monogamy: The crises arising from the frustration of unmarried women. It is evident that although the Article does not contain any order nor assign any obligation, marriage has nevertheless been brought up for consideration as the ‘taking of a wife’ by man. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If a man comes for your daughter’s hand in marriage, and you see nothing wrong with his character and religion, marry your daughter to him.” This is the best guarantee of her prestige and respect and the counteraction to her physical weakness as against the physical strength of man. Incident - Asking to marry a Stout and Black Women Dream Explanation — For her black colour suggest that she is well to do. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend's Dad for Her Hand in Marriage? Laws made by man, or, in other words, the legal precautions he employs, should safeguard this advantage for women and this obligation on man. Asking your girlfriend’s dad for her hand to marry is more like a prior notification rather than asking for permission. This Article concerns the gifts that both sides present to each other. What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to … August 15, 2002 There are traditions regarding asking the father of one’s beloved for her hand in marriage; however, these are almost ancient history at this point. Attention to essence and meaning as opposed to shape and form: A permanent law for a permanent requirement and a variable law for a varying requirement: It does not matter what you wear, as long as you do not imitate slavishly: The question of “ahamm wa muhimm” (that which is more important and that which is significant), Part Five: The Human Status of Woman in the Quran, The particular philosophy of Islam concerning family rights, The status of woman in the world-view of Islam. If the original things do not exist, that side will be entitled to the value of the gifts which can normally be preserved, excepting the gifts that have perished through no fault of the other side”. One is the natural advantage that has been given to woman and the other is the natural obligation which man is bound to fulfill. In Islam, marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman. One can propose marriage to any woman who is free of impediments to marriage’. Welcome! Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. This is not the case with human being only. You have to be thankful for her dad in some ways, since a woman tend to look up at his father’s a lot and wanting to marry someone like him. There are many steps to get through before two people get married and each of them makes her heart flutter. Even though it sounds traditional, a father’s blessing is not something someone can ignore. Plan how you wish to propose. Prohibition by the Caliph of fixed-term marriage: Part Three: Woman and Her Social Independence. He is her protector since day one and have been doing everything for her to keep her happy. Marriage is based on love and happiness. As you read in my case, I followed the tradition of proposing myself … Asking your girlfriend’s parents for … On the other hand, if Allah facilitates the process, then that is a sign for you to pursue it. In case the original articles no longer exist their value must be returned, unless the gifts, through no fault of the party concerned, have perished. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you … Even when it sounds old fashioned and nobody really do it anymore right now, it has many valuable meaning behind. Marriage is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Modern youth, the time of puberty, and the onset of textual activity: Monasticism for a fixed period, sexual communism, or fixed-term marriage: Fixed-Term marriage and the problem of the harem. Asking her father to marry her means you also consider him as an important person in your girlfriend’s life and how you respect him for that. In Islam, the dowry does not exist and is in fact, forbidden. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. To respect her father, who has been her protector the whole time ever since she was born, you don’t have to hesitate whether should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. This sounds cliché but this is true: a dad is the first love of every … However, there are two points here which cannot be waived aside. As you notice, there is no condition in the Article to the effect that either of the parties should without reasonable grounds have broken up the intended marriage. But if you feel that you should not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses.That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice." It shows her parents that you love their daughter enough to go through the possible discomfort of asking for her hand. Secondly, a thing desired does not become your property, nor do you become its owner: students and scholars are desirous of knowledge, a pupil desires a teacher, apprentices of crafts desire skillful craftsman. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend How Many Guys She Has Slept With, Ways To Make An Aquarius Woman Obsessed With You And Will Love You Endlessly, How Young Muslims Define Halal Dating for Themselves Based on Islam Laws, 15 Reasons Why You Should Not Date In High School (#6 Is Important). Whether some marriages are a cancer which the wife must suffer and put up with: The cause of the disappearance of polyandry: The form of polygyny in western countries: The child-bearing period of woman is limited: Causes of the excess of the number of women fit to be married over the number of men: Polygyny is prohibited while homosexuality is lawful! How to Ask for Her Hand in Marriage If you live close by, the easiest thing to do is to call and ask if you can stop by for a moment as you have something to ask them. A lot of men think they are doing women a favor by asking for her hand in marriage, but lets think about this: Changes her home, Leaves her family, Moves in with you, Builds a home with you, Gets pregnant for you, Pregnancy changes her body, She gets fat, Almost gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth, Since a dad’s permission means a lot for a woman, you must have find the answer should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage. Not that it’s traditional and old fashioned, you have to see several reasons why asking the dad’s permission matters. As you see Mr. Mahdavi’s objection to this article of the law is that “engagement” is not considered to carry legal obligation and be a guarantee of performance. Last night I had a dream where a class mate (I am 16) had come over with his family to ask for my hand in marriage... and exactly a week before I had the same dream except the family of a family friend came over asking for my hand in marriage. This sounds cliché but this is true: a dad is the first love of every daughter. ... Browse other questions tagged quran hadith nikah women sex or ask your own question. Evaluate her family dynamic and make sure to ask the right person for their blessing. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. You really need to be her father’s best friend. A lot of father become sad when their daughter is going to get married, worrying whether she would be happy or not. Some tradition needs to be kept alive. Assalamu alaikum. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. While for a woman, who aspires to be the object of affection, the beloved, the adored one, to submit to the heart of a man who will govern her existence, it is repugnant for her to invite a man to be her spouse, and, if it happens that her request is turned down, to go in search of another man. If you are afraid to ask his permission for marriage because you worry he might turn you down, it’s a big wrong idea. - Why It Matters. The Holy Prophet gave az- Zahra, his daughter full freedom in choosing a husband: The Islamic movement in favour of women was entirely independence: A man is a slave of his passions and a woman is a captive of her lovingness: The secret of the dynamism and flexibility of Islamic law. It will never get old. (Sahih al Bukhari) ♣ What should the amount of the dowry (Mahr) be? Whether you think of it as a trend, a tradition, or just a nod to the days of antiquity when women needed their father's … [duplicate] Ask Question Asked 2 years, 4 months ago. It is contrary to the respect and honor of a woman to run after a man and woo him, while for a man it is manly that he should approach and solicit a woman for this purpose even if he gets a reply in the negative. He is a man too, right? IMPORTANT : All content hosted on is solely for non-commercial purposes and with the permission of original copyright holders. This is the best security in the maintenance of balance and proportion in their life together. I begin my discussion about the proposed forty articles from the very point they themselves begin. As we have mentioned, in the law of creation man is created as a source of solicitation and approach, and is the suitor, while woman is source of what attracts and responds. Mahr (dowry) is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to his bride, which becomes her exclusive property and right. Having a good relationship with her family leads to a happy marriage as well. Talking to Your Girlfriend’s Parents Plan what you're going to say. Before you pop the question to the love of your life, consider asking her father for her hand in marriage. In the first era of Islam marriage was a simple affair, without pomp or ceremony. It means you not only love her but you also love her family and want to be welcomed there. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. You can learn some things from him about marriage and find anything new about your girlfriend. Article No.1036 of the Civil Law contains the following: ‘If anyone of the engaged persons breaks up the intended marriage ‘without reasonable grounds’ and in case the other side, or the parents or other persons, were deceived into believing that the marriage would take place and incurred expenses, the side which turned down the marriage agreement must defray the expenses incurred by the other side, but such damages are restricted to the expenses that are customary. Long before you meet him, there are one person who has an absolute ownership of herself: her dad. Go to him and build a strong relationship: it’s going to benefit you a lot. In social laws, expressions like this create a very bad and distasteful psychological effect: the above mini definitions in the laws of marriage especially have an effect upon the relations between men and women, and give man the position of master and owner and woman the status of something owned or of a slave. From the minute you’re praying to get married, considering someone seriously, living with someone and going through life together… And until you meet Allah together, pleased by Him for how He helped you, and well pleasing to Him. Now it can be seen how far the best of her distinctions, her honor and respect is blemished in the name of women’s rights. It is strange that it should be questioned why the Civil Law uses a language suggestive of the meaning that man is the one who asks the woman. Man is desirous of union with woman, not in need of making her his slave. Ask yourself: Why am I getting married. Divorce among Muslims is a much-discussed and argued topic. As you would take her from somebody else, you must “ask” him nicely, sort of. In that case he will ask one woman after another until he meets a woman who gives him her consent. A woman cannot get married unless her father gives her permission, since he is the one who’s going to get them married. He is treated as a customer or buyer while the woman is represented as some sort of merchandise. The attachment of the Iranian nation to religion. Selecting a Spouse: The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. (Quran 4:4) In Islam, this marriage ritual is … Woman as a part of the share of inheritance: Woman’s inheritance in the Sassanid period in Iran: The share of women in inheritance according to Islam: An objection by the worshippers of the west: The objection of atheists at the beginning of Islam about inheritance: The environment in divorce-infected America.
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